Truth in Time

I’ve been debating about how I’d start this entry out for some time.  

While I started out hot and running with this blog, it eventually tapered out like many of my other hobbies, something that I warned about when I first started writing here.  With a zeal so strong, and a motto so simple as “just write” it eventually became easier to “Just distract” 

In all truth, I planned to start this out with something along the lines of “I’ve been wanting to write but I just haven’t had the time” 

An easy enough out. 

Because lets face it, time is the easiest thing to blame and we, ourselves, are the hardest.  It’s much easier to make excuses than to be truthful with yourself, and lets face it, when you run out of excuses what do you have left? Simply put, distractions.

We can all sit here, or there, or just go about our day to day keeping our hobbies or plans of self development in the back of our head on some distant ‘to-do’ list.  Continually procrastinating and excusing ourselves from the chore that can be self-development.  I should know the most about that as I ignored problems in my stunted development for as long as 9 years, continually making excuses and procrastinating until I eventually ran out of excuses like “Time” and “Money” 

So what then?

Distractions of course! 

Video games, girls, and work were among some of my favourite,  each one less enticing than the previous but Work gave me money for girls that liked to play video games and with that chronologically fatal combination, time faded and was heavily consumed with continuous distractions.  

A shame if ever there was one because although there might seem to be an infinite amount of women in the world, more games than anyone could play and work for anyone who’s willing to put their backbone into it, the one thing we don’t have a definite amount of is Time.

While we can give vague ideas like a life span, anything can happen and time could be shucked out of existence without the existee even having the… well, time, to realize what they lost.

As I watch my grandmother’s time run shorter by the day I find myself caught between guilt and denial.  Although my grandmother loved me more than anyone else because we have a ‘connection’ I’m guilty for exactly what I’ve been talking about all this time.  I didn’t make the time to see her in her health because it was easier to make excuses than solutions.  Easier to distract myself than to think about how important she is to me, easier to let time slip past my eyes and identify problems rather than work toward a solution.  

And that’s a damn shame.  

So when you next find yourself thinking “I don’t have the time” I ask you to really look at your day and think about if that’s really the truth.  

Thank you

-Zed

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